Live Life On Purpose

So it's been a long while. Duly noted. Now...

This past week was a tough one. I was grumpy, easily irritated, and uncomfortable in my own skin. My words were sharp, my emotions were worn on my face, and my actions were dulled and lacked any resemblance of joy.

The people in my home were the ones that caught the brunt of it. I was silent on drives to ballgames and practices. My voice got a little too loud at times. The little patience I did have was very thin.

As I began to realize I needed an attitude check, I started to try to figure out why I was in such a dark place. At first it was hard to put a finger on it. Maybe it was the kids schedule. Three ball teams between them, gymnastics, tutoring sessions, cheer tryouts, guitar lessons...my mind couldn't keep up with our calendar.  Maybe it was the stash of dirty laundry that was beginning to resemble Mt. Everest in my laundry room.  Maybe it was the actions of other people I could blame it on. The root canal didn't help much on Thursday. I didn't have time for that!

After sitting in the funk for a bit, trying to make sense of it all, I began to feel so very much alone. Nobody understood. When I spoke, I was rambling. And the folks I did talk to about things, couldn't make sense of it either it didn't seem. So I started to realize, I was in this dark place all by myself.

Wrong, so very wrong...

Satan was there. He had manipulated every situation, every thought, every word. He had twisted my thoughts with doubt, loneliness, and sadness. He planted the seeds of failure, chaos, and selfishness.  He pushed every button at exactly the perfect time. There isn't an ounce of good in him, but as a good friend pointed out to me this week, he is very good at his job.

So he had me convinced, I was in my dark and lonely place and I had to go it alone.

On Sunday morning, I woke up early.  I made that cup of coffee that I am dependent upon and began to wake up the three kids. One by one, I kissed their heads, rolled them out of bed, and picked out their "Sundy-go-to-meeting" clothes.  The girls and I, along with my oldest "son", Myron, loaded up and headed to worship in Murfreesboro. Sadie had a gymnastics meet just after church making things a bit different from every other Sunday.

We filed into our seats and began to take in the worship. As we sat down for the message, I was eager to hear what this minister, who I had heard rave reviews of, had to say.  His first few statements had me hooked...

"Being a Christian is being in a relationship. A relationship with God, growing in an intimacy and understanding of Jesus.  Therefore growing in deeper relationships with others. We are to be intentional with our church family, our friends, our children, our spouses, and those we come in contact with. We should live life on purpose."

I am a Christian.

Therefore I am in a relationship.

A relationship means I am not alone.

My relationship with Christ should reflect in every other relationship God has blessed me with.

Live life on purpose.

We left that worship setting, we grabbed lunch, and cheered Sadie on in her meet.  And I felt a little more alive, not so dark.

After Sadie snagged first place in the overall events...proud mom!...I rushed home to prepare dinner and ready our house for twenty five of my favorite people. It was Saba Spring Break reunion. I was ready to see these people, hug their necks, and properly thank them for their love and service...but a lot had to be done! Tacos to make, dishes to wash, a house to tidy up, the list went on.

To my surprise, I walked into a house taken over by my friends, the Sprys...Jill Momma, Lana, and Carly.  The smell of cookies filled the air, the dishwasher had been emptied, my favorite wall flowers were plugged in to take away the stench of ball equipment and dirty laundry. I was met with, "What needs to be done next?". They chopped peppers, trimmed flowers for the table, cleaned counters. These three ladies loved me through service, spending time with me, working along side me, sharing in conversation, and making me laugh.  Then our friends Rachel and Jeffery showed up, frying corn tortillas and adding even more joy and laughter into a house that had been much quieter in the previous few days.

One by one the team members arrived, each with a huge hug and a beautiful smile. As the back door opened cheers erupted as friends were reunited.  It was loud. It was joy. It was contagious.  We ate together, we caught up on life, and did I mention we laughed...a lot!

We are a group of Christians.

We are in a relationship.

We are not alone.

Our individual relationships with Christ are truly reflected in how we are living our relationships with each other.

We are living life together, on purpose.

As we huddled in the Thomas family living room, I took my turn at thanking each of them for serving Saba and loving so well.  We honored our student leaders, Steven and John.  I reminded them they are all always welcome in our home, just not only in our house.

Then Michael talked. He thanked them. He thanked them for telling their stories on Saba, and then he told a bit of his own. He gave some advice from his experiences. I know how much of him this took and I was moved.

As he started to pray, one of the fellas on the team, Jacob, stopped him. He began to say his own thanksgiving in a way that I will never forget.  He had written each of us a note of thanks.  Twenty eight notes! He told us that if any one of us had not been on this team or a part of this trip, his life would not be the same. He had learned something from each individual and he was forever changed. God created us for community. And we were not alone.

As he spoke these words, my heart felt so full and my eyes began to fill with tears. God is so good. I needed these words. I needed these people. My dark and lonely place satan had orchestrated in the most simple but cunning ways had been destroyed. It had been destroyed through the message a minister shared. It was destroyed by laughter and happiness shared while cooking a meal and cleaning a house with friends. It was destroyed by the loud chatter, contagious joy, and Jesus filled banter between 29 folks that hadn't all been together since March 20.  It had been destroyed by the sweet and kind and thoughtful  words of a fellow mission team member.

It was destroyed because of Jesus, who lived life on purpose.  That's my "I will" today...I will live life on purpose.

What is this going to look like? What does this mean?

It means every action will be drenched with intention. I will listen to my friend to do just that...to listen and not be distracted by the craziness in my head of where I have to be and what I have to be doing.  It means I will get up early and fight the urge to hit the snooze button in order to talk to my Father and listen to Him as I read His word. I will go eat a school lunch with my kids, or with someone else's kid that needs the extra attention. I will show grace to the cashier that messes up my change or the slow driver that won't get in the right lane. When a family member or friend or stranger needs help, I will go. It means I will seek out those who need me, and those that I need. I will pour myself into them with every given opportunity. I will slow down. I will be present. I will love like Jesus loves.

That's what it means to me. Living life on purpose. What does it mean to you?