So as most of you know, this blog is made up of my ramblings as an island-loving, mother of three beautiful and amazing kiddos. Lately, watching the three kids grow and experience some tough life lessons, has been not so easy. This is especially the case at the ages of Jackson and NC at the moment. So I took to writing them letters...letters that I am actually sharing with them, and they have agreed for me to share on this blog.
I know some of you moms are experiencing the same issues and feelings, so I thought it might help to hear another mom's take on how she is encouraging and equipping her children. By no means do I have it all figured out. But it takes a village, and I love hearing from others on how they parent, love, and lead. Here is some advice I have for my son. And of course in the days to come, two more letters, addressed to my girls, are sure to follow.
I would love to hear the advice and words you share with your children.
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Dear Jackson,
I absolutely adore watching you grow. With every inch you grow taller, the more handsome I think you are. When you spout out new knowledge your mind has taken in, I realize how intelligent you are becoming.
You had your back to me, walking down the hall at school the other day. You had been chosen to complete an important task for some of the teachers. At first I didn't realize it was you. I caught myself wondering, "Who is that tall, strong, good looking young man? These teachers must think he is pretty responsible."
Then I realized it was you...my little boy who isn't that little anymore.
When I held you almost twelve years ago for the first time, I was so overjoyed. For nine months, I didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. I spent almost every day driving back and forth to work; an hour both ways. One hundred twenty minutes talking to you, singing to you, and taking in every kick, hiccup, and wiggle.
I dreamed of the person you would become and what we would do together. I had hopes of ice cream dates, laying on our backs in the back yard, and riding bikes. I prayed you would come to love and know God.
May 31, 2004. It was time to meet you. A very loud and boisterous nurse bellowed through the operating room...
"It's a boy, I see his parts!"
And before I knew it, the nurse had your little nose almost touching mine. You were screaming with life and that red hair looked like a flame on top of your little head. I had finally met the one with who I had talked with and sang to for months. The hiccups, wiggles, and kicks, they had a face now. And I was in love, deeply, like nothing I had ever known.
That love continues to grow stronger and deeper. It amazes me. How can a love like this exist?! It's hard to believe, even though I am experiencing it.
When I hear you tell a joke, I think it's the funniest joke I have ever heard. When I see you make a tackle on the football field, I just know you are the best player to ever put on a uniform. When you throw a pitch and I hear the ump yell "Strike!", I am certain you will make the big leagues. When you bring home straight As on a report card, I know you are genius.
But I want you to know something...
You are more than a comedian. You are more than a football player. You are more than a baseball pitcher. You are more than a good student. You are more.
Jackson, I never could have imagined all the qualities God was going to place so perfectly in your personality. The things that make you, you...those things can't be taught to someone. The way you care for others, it comes natural to you. The words of encouragement to fellow team mates, those are effortless for you, they just fall off your tongue without hesitation. You love people so well. It makes it impossible for others not to love you. Your courage to stand up for what is right, no matter what, is a task that you make look easy, and so many of us admire that.
Your determination is inspiring. Your little voice has struggled with the "hiccup" of being disfluent since you were three years old. There have been the brief moments that you have expressed your frustration to me about it, but it's been rare. You never shy away from speaking to larger crowds, praying in public, taking the lead in class discussions, reading scripture in worship settings, or telling a funny story to a group of adults. You don't only not shy away from it, you enthusiastically volunteer for it. There have been a few times that I have witnessed you struggle to get your words out and your point across. But you never, ever quit or give up. I admire this about you so much, and as your mother, I am thankful for your attitude when you meet adversity.
You are growing up in a society that has the definition of a "real man" all screwed up. Jackson, there are things that you will see that don't need to be seen. There will be things your friends will say and you will hear that do not need to be said or heard. Jokes will be told that shouldn't be, and then laughter will be had that doesn't glorify God and may be at the sake of someone else's happiness.
You will be tempted. You will be tested. You will struggle.
I pray for your eyes. And I pray for the images that may be left in your mind. I pray for your ears, and the echoes that may ring in your ears for years to come. I pray that you will have a strong will not to laugh when everyone else does. I pray for the temptations that will find their way to you. I pray for the trials and tests you will endure. I pray for your struggles.
A "real man" isn't found in looking at inappropriate things and crossing lines. A "real man" isn't found in unattractive "grown up" words and dirty jokes and slandering of others.
First and foremost, a real man loves God. It is more courageous to love someone you can not see or touch, to have a Faith that isn't built on sight but on a knowledge and a greater Hope than of things on this earth. As Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes , everything here on earth is meaningless, every bit of it. At the end of this book, he writes this...
"That's the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands, for this is the sole responsibility of every man."
This came from the wisest, richest man of His time. And even though God granted his request of discernment and made him great, his wisdom and knowledge could never be complete. Solomon never knew Christ. Jesus brings complete wisdom and knowledge...go read Colossians 2:2-3.
A real man knows Jesus Christ, who provides perfect wisdom and knowledge. I am thankful you know Christ and that He is your Savior.
A real man, a gentleman, is respectful. He is respectful to others...his parents, his siblings, his elders, his friends, and even to strangers, and even still to his enemies. A real man loves others and puts them above himself. He loves them with his words, his actions, and his intentions. He loves them to their faces, and he loves them behind their backs.
He respects and loves the people he knows now and the people he will know in the future. Jackson, I am talking about...be still my heart...your future wife and your future children. That's a long way off, a LONG way off, but I promise the things you do now, and in the years through high school and college, will affect your relationship with them. Don't just think about the present, the current moment, but think and pray on your future. I already pray about this and will continue to do so.
Respect and love yourself. This is a huge quality for a gentleman. Never allow anyone to treat you badly or belittle you. You are amazing! In the first chapter of James, we are told that out of all creation, we are God's prized possession. Take care of yourself. Don't ever think some man made drug or chemical can make you feel better. Don't clutter your brain with useless, harmful things. Love yourself enough to fill your body with things that are good and pure, mentally and physically.
A real man is determined, hard working, and encouraging. He sets goals and works hard to achieve them. I don't care if you decide to be a doctor like your dad, a teacher like me, a big time lawyer or engineer, a cook or a chef, a policeman, or anything in between or beyond. I will love you and love what you do no matter what. All I ask is this...Once you decide, go at it with all you have and never stop learning how to make yourself better at your job and at life.
So simply put...
Love God.
Love Others.
Love Yourself.
And know this...you will mess up. And that is ok. You are not perfect. You are not suppose to be. And just so you know, I am not perfect either. When you mess up, it's going to hurt. It will hurt you, and in most cases, it's going to hurt others that you love very much. But there are two things you are assured of during these "mess ups"...
1. God loves you and nothing can change that love He has for you. He extends forgiveness. It's your job to accept it. He keeps no record of wrong.
2. I am not going any where. I love you no matter what, but will speak truth to you and hold you accountable to the things that you know are true and good. My love for you is unconditional.
I love to read the story of Jesus and these days my mind focuses a lot on Mary, his mother. Two different times, we are given a beautiful glimpse of her inner being as a mother. Very simply put, scripture tells us..."And Mary stored up and pondered these things in her heart."
Jackson, I can relate to this. Since that day that our noses touched for the very first time, I have stored things up in my heart and my mind replays them over and over.
Your first steps. Your first words. Playing at the park with you. Riding in the back of your little green gator around the back yard. Your first home run. The first time you brought me flowers. The way you would say, "I loves you too, Momma." Your first day of school. Laughing with you on the beach on Dauphin Island. Hiking Mt. Scenery on Saba with you. Your baptism.
Each moment is stored up. I think on them and they bring me more joy than you will ever know. I will continue to store things up and I love watching you grow, change, and live life. Not only because you are mine, but because you live life beautifully. I am more than blessed to know you and that God allows you to call me "Mom".
I love you,
Mom
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