2024: Week 4

 

Bob Goff. I have read every book. I follow him religiously on social media. When he visited a church in Murfreesboro I was the first to sign up. I have visited Tom Sawyer Island in Disneyland hoping to see him in his element. He speaks my language and he is definitely an encourager for me. I was so happy that we had a discussion with a podcast from him as a focus in one of my school counseling classes at Lipscomb.

My mind keeps being drawn to a line or two from the podcast…

What makes you come alive?

What do you find yourself doing when you know that is what you were put on earth to do?

As long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher. When I was a little girl I would arrange my parent’s basement family den into a classroom full of baby dolls, stuffed animals, and Barbies and Kens. I would take attendance, teach ABCs and 123s, and every now and then send someone to the principal’s office. The years just out of college were a dream come true as I had a real classroom of my own with real students ready to learn.

I fast forward through many moves with my husband, a few teaching positions, and then focusing on raising three incredible kids.  Now I find myself right back in the high school where I first started my teaching career. I love it. It is where I belong. But something is gnawing at me.

The student athletes that struggle to make the grades in order to stay on the field come and ask me for help. I am approached by another staff member to help with three seniors that cannot seem to pass chemistry. My planning period is frequented with knocks on my door followed by requests to talk through a problem. The boy that sits by himself at lunch. The girl that hides her pregnancy from her parents but everyone in the hallways know. The new student that does not quite fit in and can’t find a way. All these things call to my heart and demand my attention away from the classroom management, demands of grading, and details of lesson plans.

I want to know the students. I want to be a constant and safe place for them. I want to help them, whether it be in making decisions for their future, growing them academically, or focusing on their social and emotional health.  In becoming a school counselor I am convicted that I can fulfill the purpose I am being called to pursue.  

Do I have fears? Everyday! I am 45 years old. Many of my friends think I am crazy for starting a new chapter now. After all these years, can I really succeed as the student in the classroom??? Especially at the master’s level??? The doubt has led to fear and it has held me back so many times. I also worry that I will be unable to do it. Balancing responsibilities with my family, the demands of my current job, and my assignments and classes can be very stressful, sometimes overwhelming. Just this week as I waited for my youngest to get out of cheer practice, I paced the halls and my mind whirled with how I could fit it all in, not let anyone down, and get everything complete.

The encouragement of my family and a few friends seems to always lighten my load. I am thankful to have them walk beside me and cheer me on through it all. But honestly, there has only ever been one thing that has helped me maneuver through the worry, doubt, and fear. My pride has prompted me to push it aside and postpone it. Stubbornness and my need for control override it time and time again. But every time I relent into the quiet, solitude of prayer with my Father I find an escape from the chaos. The worry and panic that fear and doubt stir up disappear amid the conversations with Him. With the companionship of my family and friends I know I can succeed. The guidance of my advisors and professors will show me the way. But He will be the reason and answer for it all.