The sounds of the ocean and the waves are the only things to hear. But there are so many things to which to listen. The things swirling in my head. The things that keep me up at night. The things that distract, monopolize the quiet, and tempt me to worry.
During this year we are about to enter I will be working on my marriage for twenty three years. Many days 2001 seems but just seconds ago, and on others it seems like a repetitive roller coaster that has been going on for centuries. Tears, laughs, travel, kids, counseling, work, play, aging. All with the same man who said he needed to marry me.
2024 will mark the twentieth year of my work as a mother. No greater joy has ever been given to me other than the joy given by the three kids. Each one has unique qualities and talents that inspire me, teach me, and challenge me. They never disappoint. My deepest regrets are ones that derive from my fear of disappointing them in my mistakes as their mother.
This year I will continue working in public education. We may be overlooked and under appreciated, but I know we as educators have answered a high calling. I trust the 14 to 17 year olds I teach and coach with the expectancy I have for them to achieve great things. Those great things don’t necessarily mean the highest grades or the worlds take on the most decorated professions. I am speaking of kindness, love of others, humility…the basics of what education should be in a world where those things are hard to come by and have been cheapened.
The work I have been at the longest is that of a daughter. This past year has been a challenge to watch my parents navigate through. In their mid-seventies, all one wants for their parents is peace, stability, comfort, and belonging…all the things they have provided for me and so many others throughout their lives. My mind swirls around ways to provide for and protect the two that have given me everything that is love and goodness.
Perhaps my perspective needs to change.
My work? I have been working? The work I have to do?
God, will you continue to work on me? My life, my marriage, my children, my profession, my parents, my roles and relationships…I lay it down before You. In the noise, in the chaos, in my attempt to control…I have forgotten to give things over to You. Forgive me. Renew me. Quiet my mind. Work on me.
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