19

18. It speaks freedom and adulthood. It’s an even number, nice and neat. We celebrate it and look forward to it.

20.  A milestone. Two decades. It brings about a feeling of accomplishment and safety.

In between is an oddity. 19. It gets lost in the mix. It’s uncomfortable in the aftermath of the celebrated and forgotten in the shadow of the anticipated.

However, here we are. 19.

Nineteen years ago I naively expected the nineteen years ahead of us to be filled with nothing but joyous adventure and love. We have had joy and adventure and love. But the unexpected has become the foundation of a marriage that continues to evolve and change into something that goes beyond the juvenile definition of love.

Some have these mountain top moments of epiphany. They come to know the Father through intimate interactions; sudden and short moments that change them forever.

As I have found myself in long journeys in the valleys, I have longed for only the mountain tops.

That hasn’t been my story. It hasn’t been our story. Our relationship to each other, and so in my relationship with Him...yeah, we are in the midst of a novel, far from a short story.

Why has our 19 year marriage been so much different than I expected? Why have we had rough edges? Why have we had to learn to like each other even though we have had great love for each other? Why hasn’t it been as easy as I expected?

19. If it had been the expected, Jesus would have been just the character in the Bible story. I would never have seen Him as my human Messiah. If it had been what I thought it would be, grace would have been a thing I misunderstood instead of something I lived and freely accepted. If it had been everything I dreamed of, my husband would have been the lord of my life...instead I acknowledge God as both my Savior and my Lord. Because of the unexpected, I now understand that love is beautifully hard and ugly at times and is used to refine us into coming closer to another human so we can see and feel the relationship the Father intends for us to have with Him.

19. It hasn’t been about us. It’s been about Him. It has been beautiful and flawed and full of mercy and grace. For that reason I celebrate 19. I confidently say I am happy to celebrate it by your side.

Thank you, Michael for being my valleys, my mountain tops, and everything in between along my journey to know our Father more intimately. I hope I can be a reflection of His love for you as you have been for me for 19 more years to come...and then some.